Do You Remember Playing?

RememberPlaying
“O men, grown sick with toil and care,
Leave for awhile the crowded mart;
O women, sinking with despair,
Weary of limb and faint of heart,
Forget your years to-day and come
As children back to childhood’s house.”
Phoebe Cary

Noir #9

Noir9Today my wonderful partner and I are celebrating nine years together. How time flies! As he does most years, he has proudly grown out his beard for the last 7-8 months of fall and winter. He asked me to take a “Noir” photo of him before he goes for a “spring cleaning” shave.

Here’s to you, handsome. Still the love of my life after nine years.

Happy Anniversary

Destroy, Overcome, Create

“His cadence encapsulates both creation and destruction in their endless exchange and balance…
O teach me how to work and keep me kind.”
Stanley KunitzShiva

During the first weeks of grieving, I read two books of poetry obsessively, one being Stephen Cramer’s Shiva’s Drum. Shiva is a Hindu deity whose attributes include opposing themes: the benefactor and the destroyer. This duality within the single entity was something I recognized both in myself and in the universe. Shiva has my respect for containing and reflecting such a natural truth. Shiva is also commonly referred to as “The Cosmic Dancer.” In this depiction, Shiva performs his divine dance to destroy a weary universe and make preparations for creation. Another duality: creation cannot exist without destruction. When I think of this concept, I feel an embrace from Shiva that lifts me to dance upon the ruins.

Ganesha

Not far from Shiva sat the second figure, Shiva’s daughter, Ganesha. Ganesha is worshipped as the remover of obstacles (and, traditionally, also as one who places obstacles in the path of those who need the lesson). There is an interwoven relationship in Shiva and Ganesha’s attributes, so it’s no surprise that the two are related. Shiva destroys; Ganesha removes the obstacle through the granted wisdom of overcoming, which paves the way for creation.

The words from the opening quote of Shiva’s Drum kept replaying in my head…O teach me how to work and keep me kind. As I reached the end of the gallery, I looked back once more at Shiva and Ganesha. “Destroy, Overcome, Create,” they answered.

Namaste

Namaste
The only word that came to heart and mind during this sunrise.

[Na·ma·ste: derived from Sanskrit, a customary Hindu expression used as both a greeting and farewell. In some contexts, namaste is used by one person to express gratitude for assistance offered or given, and to thank the other person for their generous kindness.]

Monday Blues: Look Up

MBlookup
At sunrise,
there is much to learn from the trees.
We’re not so different.
Despite lost branches, there is strength to look up,
reach with open arms,
and grow.

*
If you or someone you know is in need of help,
or to learn more about depression, warning signs, and treatment options,
call or visit the National Suicide Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Perseverance

Perseverance
“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”
Yoko Ono

A Milestone

Hard to believe it’s here…my 100th post. And, coincidentally(?), the one-year anniversary of the tragedy that inspired the creation of this blog. Mourning and death are important, should not be taboo; they have the power to clarify life. This blog is about life. From Andrea Gibson’s poem, Titanic:

Have you ever had the feeling that you owe somebody somewhere
a really good reason to live?
To grow old?
To be ninety-eight-and-a-half
with a laugh like broken glass
so whenever folks walk barefoot
they’ll get hidden pieces embedded in their souls?

In my grief, I’ve selfishly felt that that owed “somebody somewhere” has been me. While I wanted to share this space in the hopes that maybe once in a while it might inspire or brighten someone’s day, I started it more for myself as a form of grief therapy. As a collection of “really good reason[s],” so that I’d always be focused on and hunting for them, and so that whenever I needed to I could come here and be reminded of them. And because for a very long time I said that before I died I would buy my dream camera to capture and share the reasons to “Why did Rumi dance?”

Here’s to 100 posts.

To every day and life that I am so blessed to experience.

And especially to you, Daryl, for the loving encouragement you always gave me to live, and for the many lives you touched, inspired, and continue to influence with your beautiful soul.

BeforeIDie

Live

What will you do before you die?

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Suggested

Before I Die website